Choose Your Love and Love Your Choice

Several things struck me this week in the reading material. I saw many areas where I need to improve and be more humble and forgiving. I like the way Elder Joe J. Christensen counseled married couples when he said "Ceaseless pinpricking" as President Spencer W. Kimball called it, can deflate almost any marriage... Generally each of us is painfully aware of our weaknesses, and we don't need frequent reminders. Few people have ever changed for the better as a result of constant criticism or nagging. If we are not careful, so of what we offer as constructive criticism is actually destructive."  I know I that I don't like or appreciate someone else pointing out my flaws and faults so why would I ever think that doing so to someone else would ever be helpful?

I also really appreciated this statement from President  Joseph  F. Smith  “If all mankind would live in strict obedience to the gospel, and in that love which is begotten by the Spirit of the Lord, all marriages would be eternal; divorce would be unknown. Divorce is not part of the gospel plan and has been introduced because of the hardness of heart and unbelief of the people. . . . There never could be a divorce in this church if the husband and wife were keeping the commandments of God.” This made me think about where am I falling short, where do I need to strengthen my resolve to better live the commandments ?

From H. Wallace Goddard "Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage" he says "It takes strength of character to see errors in a partner’s grammar or perceptions and yet resist the temptation to correct needlessly. It takes godly goodness to see weakness and mistakes in our partners and yet resist the temptation to smirk." and John Gottman gave some very wise counsel in his book "Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work" in how to deal with the temptation to argue with or criticize your spouse when he said “By simply reminding yourself of your spouse’s positive qualities you can prevent a happy marriage from deteriorating. The simple reason is that fondness and admiration are antidotes for contempt. If you maintain a sense of respect for your spouse, you are less likely to act disgusted with him or her when you disagree.”

I have a great example in my Great grandmother, someone who had the great character that Goddard is speaking of. I clearly remember her and my great grandfather discussing something and if they disagreed about something,I remember her saying " Oh I must have remembered it differently" and going on with the conversation. There was no need to correct the details or any desire to be right. Just mutual love and respect.  I love the quote by President Thomas S. Monson given in a conference address in April 2011 when he said "Choose a companion carefully and prayerfully; and when you are married, be fiercely loyal one to another. Priceless advice comes from a small framed plaque I once saw in the home of an uncle and aunt. It read, “Choose your love; love your choice.” There is great wisdom in those few words. Commitment in marriage is absolutely essential."  I think this commitment that President Monson is referring to is more than just being faithful to martial vows it is being fiercely loyal to one another and treating your eternal companion with the upmost respect, love, tolerance and kindness in words and actions every day in every situation. I want to have that kind of love and compassion and commitment  for my own eternal companion. I have a long way to go but I am trying, and practice makes perfect. It is never too late to start treating your companion with more kindness and understanding.

Pearl and Fred Smith- My Great Grandparents