Anger Is A Choice

 I have enjoyed this entire course and have already seen positive changes in my relationships because of the principles I am learning to implement. This week however is where I need the most work to improve my relationships. I learned a lot about myself in all of the readings this week. Elder Robbin's talk "Agency and Anger" was one of the best talks I have ever heard and will forever change me. Old habits will surface I am sure, but I will never again say "You make me so angry" without thinking of his words. In talking about Satan's role in causing conflict Elder Robbin's states...

"A cunning part of his strategy is to dissociate anger from agency, making us believe that we are victims of an emotion that we cannot control. We hear, “I lost my temper.” Losing one’s temper is an interesting choice of words that has become a widely used idiom. To “lose something” implies “not meaning to,” “accidental,” “involuntary,” “not responsible”—careless perhaps but “not responsible.”“He made me mad.” This is another phrase we hear, also implying lack of control or agency. This is a myth that must be debunked. No one makes us mad. Others don’t make us angry. There is no force involved. Becoming angry is a conscious choice, a decision; therefore, we can make the choice not to become angry. We choose!....Anger is a yielding to Satan’s influence by surrendering our self-control"

These statements cut me to the core. I have justified my actions on so many occasions with these same excuses. But really I am CHOOSING to be angry. I can CHOOSE another emotion. This doesn't mean I have to give up or accept something that upsets me or bury my feelings, but I can choose how to respond. I can choose to not be angry as I try and work out my feelings with the person who has offended me in some way. When we practice responding in a way that is void of anger, is when healing, compromise and forgiveness can begin. It is then when we learn to respond to conflict like the Savior did.

" In Matthew 5, verse 22, the Lord says: “But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment” (emphasis added). How interesting that the phrase “without a cause” is not found in the inspired Joseph Smith Translation (see Matt. 5:24), nor in the 3 Nephi 12:22 [3 Ne. 12:22] version. When the Lord eliminates the phrase “without a cause,” He leaves us without an excuse. “But this is my doctrine, that such things should be done away” (3 Ne. 11:30). We can “do away” with anger, for He has so taught and commanded us."

The Joseph Smith translation teaches us that being angry is never justifiable. We can always choose how we will react to others, especially our spouse. When we try to understand where our spouse is coming from, or what might be behind their attitude or comments. When we give other's the benefit of the doubt and CHOOSE not to be offended we can avoid a lot of conflicts that may arise.